This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
