Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
