For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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