Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
