you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
