I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
