What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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