I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
