I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
