Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They are going to name an STD after you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
