please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
