i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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