I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
