great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think I sprained my soul last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
