I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
