i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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