Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
