Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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