Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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