So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
