I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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