Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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