I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
