I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
