I am puke
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize