Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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