I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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