dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
