Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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