I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
