My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just pee around me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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