With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize