This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize