i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
