You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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