the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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