I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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