I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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