butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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