I love black thongs
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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