Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
