She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
