Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
