I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
