I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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