How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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