Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
