peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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