just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
