Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
