I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
