i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
4 words: hood of his car
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
