i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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