Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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