i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
