Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I forget how to act sober
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
