Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
