DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
