Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
