That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
