btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
