please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
