Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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