Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
