I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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