Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
