five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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