Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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