Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
