So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
