She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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