Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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