i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
