we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
