we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize