we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
